If Only
by brumal
Summary: And as the two of them went through life, they realized... If only, if only... To sacrifice something precious to them, if only... [Shonen Ai, SasuNaru, Oneshot]


**A/N: Two words can hold so many possibilities, huh? I hope you guys like this. Thank you for reading!**

---

"Mother?"

The gentle clinking of porcelain plates and bowls accompanied the dull throb of rushing water.

"Yes, Sasuke?"

The young boy looked up at his beautiful mother as she washed the dishes for the evening.

"Why does every stay away from Uzumaki Naruto?" he asked with plain innocence. He was aware of that fact a long time ago, but it was not anything unusual. It was just another thing he grew up with. But for the past few days or so, he noticed that not only did the kids ignore the boy, but sometimes they would hit him and bully him for no apparent reason. "Why do they hate him?"

Mikoto paused from her washing and looked down at her young son. Her lips pressed out as she thought for a while, not quite sure how to tell her son.

"Well…" she began, rinsing her hands. "I suppose that is something that you will have to find out later, Sasuke. When you are older…"

The boy furrowed his little brows and frowned a bit, not liking the way his mother avoided his inquiry. His dark face cleared a bit after she handed him a rice ball as an apology for her avoidance.

"I have to do something now, Sasuke, so go outside and play for a bit. Don't be late to come back home though!" she told him, smiling gently and ushering him out.

Somehow, Sasuke's feet took him outside of the Uchiha district and into a park, near a lake he liked to hang around. He hadn't really eaten much of his rice ball, but instead, nibbled at it, his naive mind filled with too-deep thoughts.

Onwards he kept going, until he passed the lake unconsciously and found himself standing in front of the park. At first glance, there appeared to be no one there. Then there was a small movement on one of the swings. Sasuke looked closely.

The boy hadn't noticed his presence. Perhaps he was too lost in his own thoughts as well.

Oh how lonely he looked… How lonely Uzumaki Naruto had looked, with that pitiful face of his. Everyone else had left when their mom or dad came to pick them up. But Naruto had no mom or dad. Just himself.

And in that short instance, Sasuke felt so sorry for him.

He gazed down at his half eaten rice ball.

"_I would sacrifice this, my favorite food, just for you. If only to let you know that I am sorry for you…"_

---

At his desolate area, Naruto was once again perched upon his favorite swing. It was his swing. And even if he didn't sit there, no one else would anyway, just because he had sat there once. So he was always alone.

He swung back and forth, his legs on either side of the plank. The old rope was starting to fray at some points, wearing thin and weak. He didn't really care though. Naruto readjusted his goggles and sighed a bit.

His blue eyes gazed around the play area, where the other kids were playing and conversing cheerfully. The entire school was in motion. Except for at one wall. He had heard what had happened.

The entire Uchiha clan was killed.

And now, Sasuke was leaning against one of the building's walls, his arms wrapped around his knees, and his eyes completely blank. How sad he appeared…

Naruto's already foul mood became even darker as he watched the disheartened boy. He was so listless. Even for Sasuke, it wasn't normal. The quiet boy was even quieter now.

Avoiding any contact even more, Sasuke seemed to live in his own reclusive world, set apart from everyone else. And Naruto felt so bad about it.

_Is he like me now?_ Naruto thought grimly. He had no family now, huh? Does that mean that they were just like each other? But even if he was, it didn't make Naruto feel any better.

He didn't like the fact that there was another suffering soul without parents or family. Or, from the looks of it, friends.

Naruto's grip on the rope tightened as he thought of it. He shut his eyes and twisted the rope. His breath came out slowly, his still empty childhood torturing him. He wished that Sasuke would not be lonely when they became older. He wished that Sasuke would have lots of friends later on.

"_I would sacrifice this, my favorite place, just for you. If only to make you feel better."_

---

Was he stupid now? Crazy? Insane? _Probably_, Sasuke told himself, staring out quietly from the wide windows of his rooms.

It was a nice night today, but he was feeling anything but nice right now. He packed everything into his backpack and now he was just waiting.

His gaze flickered onto a particularly reflective surface. It was the picture of Team Seven. He walked over to it.

Kakashi grinned back at them, his hands on his and Naruto's head. Sakura was blushing happily between her teammates while he looked at the photographer emotionlessly. And on the far right, there was Naruto. He looked so irritated.

Sasuke held it in his hands for a while, gazing at all the faces. Would he come to miss them? Or would he just forget about them? No… That would not be possible.

He pressed the picture with the front facing down, allowing a soft 'clink' to echo through the silent room. Readjusting his pack, he left his apartment.

The streets of Konoha were calm and quiet. And the weather was not bad either. It was a nice night… It truly was. The stars were happy too. And so was the moon. She shone so brightly tonight.

Sasuke walked along the silent streets, not looking back to etch in the memories of the village he had grown up in. He didn't want to. He couldn't. If he remembered, then his bonds would not be able to break. And he would not be able to focus.

But even as he shuffled along quietly, distractions already filled his mind. It was such a painful life he was holding. No family, a psychotic, evil brother who enjoyed nothing more but to torture him, not many friends… It was a lonely life.

But he was not completely alone. There was Kakashi and Sakura. And Naruto.

Sasuke looked up again to gaze at the night sky. He was almost at the path that would lead him out of Konoha. He only hoped that he would not be stopped there, though he doubted it. No one should have known about his running away.

_But…_ he wondered. _But is this really the way I should be going?_

Perhaps, he had once thought, when the Sound Four confronted him, if he went away and cut off all the things that held him back, he would be able to get stronger, right?

So much stronger so that he would be able to kill Itachi. And that would mean that Naruto would be safe. Then there would be no Itachi to chase and hurt him. And he would be safe. Safe…

He shut his eyes.

"_I would sacrifice this, my only bonds, just for you. If only to keep your safe."_

---

When he had heard that Sasuke had ran away, he was so angry at that idiot. How dare he? What kind of stupid idiot was he? So mad, so angry, so frustrated! So…worried…

And now he ran madly through the trees, his fury rising. Where was he? He couldn't have been too far off. Only a while ago, he saw him climb out of that container and take off.

Why did he leave like that? Just leer at him and run off?

And thus the chase had begun again and Naruto was going to bring him back.

And they faced each other on top of those two figures, the large river the only thing separating them.

And he had cried out his name, growling and leaping over that distance.

And he had looked back, one eye yellow and evil, black marks crawling over half his face.

And he tackled him down, pinning him down, only to get blood spat on him.

And they fought. Fought like demons, like devils, like fools.

And they fought.

Punches, kicks, fires, tails, ears, eyes, wings, seals, curses, growls, spats. They fought.

Forever it seemed before they stopped. It was a stalemate anyway, but neither gave up.

Naruto and his determination, he would not stop.

Sasuke and his determination, he would not stop.

So they rushed at each other, using their best technique, hoping and wishing that perhaps the other would finally collapse. Screaming, screaming like madmen.

Remembering those desolate days, where they always ignored each other. Pretending that they didn't like the other. Feigning distaste for each other's presence.

When in truth, that was all they really wanted. Each other's presence.

But deep, deep denial held them in a standstill, not allowing them to move on and accept it. They hated each other. Hated. Hated.

Or so that was how they lied to each other.

A blinding flash and they were both flew back from the pressure, from the power.

And in the end, Naruto was dead unconscious, and Sasuke was staring at the weary sky, tired of holding her tears.

So she wept bitterly for Sasuke's stupidity and for Naruto's stupidity.

His eyes glazed over as he looked up, his mouth slightly parted. He was so, so tired from the fight.

And somehow, some way, he does not remember, he was staring at Naruto's calm face. He looked so peaceful.

_So he is going to be happy and at peace if I am gone…_

For how long he stayed there, he didn't know, just trying to catch his breath. He left.

Walking into the thick maze of the forest, he suddenly felt that something was missing.

Oh… That's right. His forehead protector.

And Naruto was unconscious now, still worrying even though he was not aware of it. Now even his sub-consciousness was worrying over Sasuke.

How pitiful.

"_I would sacrifice this, my only life, just for you. If only to bring you back."_

---

Sasuke was awakened by a boy named Sai. He remembered Sai. He had an unpleaseant and fake smile. Very unpleasant.

Perhaps it was just a bit unnecessary to have broken his room that way, but he had done so anyway. So unpleasant. It made him feel just a little sick.

And so he stood there, watching the boy look at him with equal impassiveness. No. Why does he resemble himself so much? Did that mean that Naruto may have discovered their resemblance? Would that mean that Naruto could have forgotten him already?

"Sasuke-kun!"

He looked down. Sakura. She had tried to stop him when he left. Just like Naruto had.

"Sakura. Huh."

And another figure had darted out from amidst the rubble.

"Sasuke…"

This time his name was said in a quieter tone. Calmer. Or perhaps just shocked from finally being able to see him again after so long.

"Naruto. Huh." He repeated.

"Yeah… Idiot."

And suddenly, he found that he couldn't watch Naruto any more. Any longer and those broken bonds would suddenly reconnect. He couldn't risk something like that happening. Not yet.

No… Not yet. Not when he still hasn't killed Itachi. Naruto was still in danger.

What could he do? What could he do? Scare him.

_Scare him. Make him run away. Make him go away._ Sasuke thought fervently. His face betrayed nothing, but he was thinking so hard.

"… Is that your way of breaking bonds?" he vaguely heard Naruto scream at him.

"… on a whim of mine…" Sasuke breathed out and leapt down from his post. He heard the metal sliding out of its sheath.

He could only hope… Only hope that he would not have to truly stab him.

And he was fortunately stopped by Orochimaru who had beckoned him to him.

So they left. And though Sasuke could not look more emotionless than that, he was relieved beyond reason.

They left, and he could ever so faintly hear Naruto scream his name and fall apart, sobbing.

"_I would sacrifice this, my sanity, just for you. If only to show you that I love you."_

"… _If only to show you that I love you…"_


End file.
